Andrew Bain of 10th Year Seniors is always one to give me a good chuckle. When it comes to dating and love, he usually hits the nail on the head and in his recent article – 6 lies we tell people about relationships– I found a lot of truths, much like his other posts. Check out his input here.
I agree with all 6 points presented. Relationships, though around since the beginning of time, still confuses people and no matter how many books or cheesy movies made about love, we still tell people (and ourselves), lies about relationships. Maybe it’s a mechanism we’ve created to make ourselves feel better? Who knows? But here are 6 more lies we tell people about relationships, in my opinion.
Girl, you can change him
Ladies, I hate to break it to you … but HE.WILL.NEVER.CHANGE. Yes, yes, I know. People can grow and become better but I also believe that certain characteristics are not mistakes but actual personality traits. Your man being late is something you can fix/ change. If he knows how crazy you get about being late, that’s a behavior he can change. A man who lies … all the time … that is a character defect, I mean – trait. Simply something you can’t change.
I suggest learning what his issues are and deciding if it’s something you’re willing to worth with or leave alone altogether. If change never comes, sign yourself up for misery for the duration of the relationship.
If he doesn’t post about you online … he’s hiding you
Yes- I fell weak and read ‘Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man’ and there’s a whole category informing women that one love language is proclamation. Ladies, your man has to profess to the entire world that he loves you and only you. I’m saying this at the risk of being a hypocrite but if he doesn’t post about you on social media- it doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t love you or that he’s ashamed of you.
This is something that is usually important to me. I am naturally someone who loves to share on social media. Anything that makes me happy and inspired is something I like to share but I had to come to terms, very quickly, that my man may not feel the same. Way to drive me nuts! But the truth is, if he’s treating you like a queen offline, your kissy face ussie doesn’t have to be online. If he’s not naturally a sharer, it would probably be the most daunting thing for him to share online. Give him a little slack and let him come around to it in his own time. Now, if you’ve been together for a year or more, personally I may blow a fuse.
It’s not always about the money
Money. A word we all know and sometimes dread.
Let me preface this by saying that money should never be the first thing you look for in a man or woman and it should never be the deciding factor in if you love someone or not but we all have to admit that money is indeed VERY important. I want a guy who’s understanding, loving, romantic and so on but I also want a guy I can build with and share responsibilities with. Gone are the days of living with mom and dad and just magically having the light, cable and internet on without any idea of how it all got paid for. Truth is, as you get older you learn that you just can’t take love to the bank. You can’t walk into B.E.C and ask to add hugs and kisses on to last month’s bill.
Be with someone who understands the value of money. Spending, saving, budgeting, the whole shabang! You’ll thank yourself later in life when shit gets real and your mortgage payment is due.
There has to be a title
I like knowing where I am with someone. Am I your buddy? Am I your bestie? Am I your girlfriend? Are we Netflix and chillin? As I got older I realized that titles sometimes mess things up. Don’t get me wrong, you should always know where you stand with someone but we all know the minute the ‘b’ and ‘g’ word gets thrown around expectations get high and fun goes out the window. The ‘b’ word, boyfriend now means I expect you to check on me every single day and don’t you dare miss a day. I expect you to take me to the airport, check my tire, take out the trash. The ‘g’ word means he expects dinner, he expects exclusivity and he expects you to stop talking to certain guys. Don’t get me wrong – there’s absolutely nothing wrong with any of this. I have this and I am proud to say that I love it. I love having a constant and someone I can rely on but this can be detrimental to some relationships. Don’t ever forget to stop having fun with the person you’re ‘kicking it’ with. Set standards, date, enjoy each other’s company and come to the ‘title’ conversation when the time is right for the both of you.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Boy have I heard this a million times! Here’s the thing – If he cheated on her it may have meant that she simply didn’t make him happy and she was someone he didn’t want to be exclusive with.
I have a cousin who cheated on nearly every girl he dated but the minute he met his now wife, it all changed. We couldn’t hear from him because he spent his free time with her. We couldn’t crack on him because he sent flowers just because it was Wednesday. It shocked us all. How did this cheatin’, lyin’ cousin of ours settle down with one woman? It was because she was something special to him. She made him feel like he didn’t have to look anywhere else. I’m not encouraging or supporting men who cheat. Just stating the fact that when a man is truly in-love with one woman, he won’t risk messing that up.
He’ll be back
I had to learn this the hard way. My ex broke up with me. A few days after our 2 year anniversary. Because he needed to ‘find himself.’
But before I thought it was bullshit, I thought – Maybe he’s right. Maybe I do need to give him time to find himself and come around and propose and regret breaking up with me and spend his days making it up to me and we live happily ever after.
But he never came back. I’m not sure if he ‘found himself’ but he never proposed. Never spent his days making it up to me.
Truth is, if he/ she left – it was because he/she wanted to. Simple.
When you find your favorite sneakers or shirt on SALE, you don’t leave it in the store to go home and think about it and to ‘find yourself.’ You snag it. You whip out the cash right away because no MOFO is going to buy those sneaks or that shirt. You want it. No one else can have it. It’s the same with relationships people. If he wants to be with you, he won’t let you go. He can’t run the risk of another man wifin’ you! So stop dreaming and move on. You’ll thank me later.
In the words of Andrew Bain: “Love and relationships don’t come with a playbook. Seeking solace in mantras and rhymes is pointless because all situations are different. Love is an endless waltz to a never ending song and all you can do is hope to learn the steps before the dance is over. But, for what it’s worth, never stop dancing.”